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My Utterli Account Was Cancelled-I Blame Satan

Oct 17, 2008

I'm sad to report that my Utterli account was cancelled today. How you may ask? Why you may ask?

How can I even write about it, using my account at Utterli if my account was canceled you might ask?

Well you see, I have an innocent confession to make.

For approximately 2 hours, I have not only been @brettbum on Utterli, but I was also @Satan1.

I did not choose to become Satan lightly. After much consideration and meditation that spanned the course of four millenia, but in people years totaled up to about 3 minutes, I established an alias account on Utterli.

I tried to establish the account as @Satan, but that account was taken 3 weeks ago apparently (and I'm pretty sure that I didn't create it myself and then subsequently forget about it).

So I became Satan1, which when said aloud kind of sounds like Satan Won, even though that little aspect of the name didn't occur to me when I created it. I was just trying to do a Satan '1' off from the real Satan, or at least the first.

Why might a person, former veteran and father of 3 become or even want to become Satan?

Well, you see, I was attacked by the Imp of the Absurd (N. Stephenson reference). In a different thread @beauty82 made a pass at @allicette or possibly myself or @ChrisHanaka, its difficult to tell, because its still hard to see replies threaded here. She (if she is a she) stated,


My name is veronica I saw your profile and get interested in you. I will like to have a good relationship with you.I am down to earth, and i like natural things. My way of life is simple and ideal. I am an outgoing person, and a very romantic woman who loves Romantic Challenges. True love never dies for it is lust that fades away. Love bonds for a lifetime but lust just pushes away. If True Love, kindly reply me through my personal email address:

I Cherish You


Now, that seemed a little spammy to me. I didn't really feel that Veronica was sincere, but who am I to judge. There is no spam policy really at Utterli, just an abuse button. Sometimes I hit the abuse button, but in a zen state I offer wonder, 'what exactly is abuse?' My abuse might be someone else's pleasure, and I just didn't feel like throwing a stone in a glass house today.

So instead, I decided to have a little fun with the Imp of the Absurd guiding me down the path towards humor.

I logged into Utterli via Internet Explorer 7 (where I promptly found a nice fat Utterli bug and reported it twice). I signed up for my Satan1 account and I replied to Veronica with the following

"@beauty82 Veronica baby. Its been too long!

Where have you been the last couple of months? Last I heard you were still trying to land a hubby and get out of Siberia. Were you able to pull that off?

I know its hard to meet your soul mate and everything. Heck I feel like I'm looking for souls all day long!

Anyway, drop me a line, lets hang. I've been doing blow with this cool cat named Obama for a few months now.

This guy is off the charts cool! You've got to come party with us. He loves dancing with lesbians, so you two will probably hit it right off. That said, he's already hooked so if you are just looking for a meal ticket to the US, you will probably want to hook up with one of his friends."

Now for reference the thread that this took place in, was a tangent and a joke about Obama snorting coke with Satan. I started that joke spinning on a title that caught my funny bone titled something like Santa likes Obama and Coke.

After making the joke about Satan, it seemed rather appropriate that Satan might chime in on a thread hijacked by a possible spammer invoking the name of Satan in the title(Satan has a lot of Google Alerts set up you know).

I also uploaded an appropriate video of Obama dancing with Ellen on the Ellen show, hence the dancing lesbian reference. Ellen is a lesbian, she does dance a lot. In fact, she is rather famous for being a dancing lesbian although it is not the only thing that makes her famous, but I digress.

So I suddenly find myself ghost writing for Satan. You might even say that I was possessed, but what can you expect from a guy that has dated witches, experienced multiple out of body experiences and married his wife of 15 years on Halloween?

As I started to get into 'character' I started asking myself, "What would Satan Do?"

I felt like Satan would likely be one hell of a social networker. God is kind of a laid back deity and doesn't engage in direct recruiting tactics, leaving that up to his followers and jesuits, but Satan always takes a personal hand in chasing people down. If you don't believe me, just watch any George Burns movie.

So I started following people on Utterz. I reached out to the people I know first. The influencers here on Utterli. Among other things, it has been over a year since I set up my brettbum account and I thought it might be a positive experience to learn what it is like to start over again.

I went into a couple conversations where there were many people present and I hit the Follow All button for example. (The button doesn't work by the way.)

Before you knew it I was following about 18 people (even though I should have been following about 100 if the system actually worked.)

I was toying around with how I might have a conversation with myself. I thought back to my memory of Gallileo's Daughter, a biography about Gallileo and his daughter, who wrote a number of letters that give us great insight into the struggles of Gallileo to explain the physics of the solar system with out getting burned at the stake (the old fashioned way of getting nuked in a social network).

He happened to be persecuted by hate mongering christians(not saying christians are bad, but he was attacked by a rough sort) for writing a series of dialogues where he hosted a debate with himself in the form of three famous characters that have been recycled by shakespeare and Alexander Dumas and others throughout history.

I thought maybe I could be the next Dumas and I could launch a debate with myself from Utterli! (I am related distantly to Alexander Dumas and he is one of my favorite authors. As to Shakespeare, I could care less. Nice writer, but not really my cup of tea. Reading in a pentameter always seemed a little demonic to me.)

So I first jumped back over into Firefox where I was logged in as @brettbum. I then proceeded to follow myself in the guise of Satan1. I also posted a little thread saying that I was being followed by Satan!

('oooh, quick look behind you, Satan's going to pinch your fanny!' ~ quote from a B movie that never made it to the silver screen back in the sixties)

Among other things, I set up a nice little animated gif avatar of Satan fighting Jesus on South Park. I just recently learned how to create animated gifs so I'm over using this new skill every chance I get to insure that I do not forget how to do it later.

Well anyway to make a long story, just a bit longer, I accidentally offended a friend of mine here at Utterli. They don't like Satan, didn't want to be followed by Satan and unlike myself, hit the abuse button, for Satan1, who ironically was created to fight abuse from @beauty82. 'Oh the webs we weave!'

Now, about an hour later, I try to make a post as Satan and learn that my account has been nuked. Now, I'm not real partial to my Satan1 account, but here's the thing.

It was nuked with no warning, no appeal, no notice even.

There's nothing in the terms of service that state that I can't be Satan, that I can't have more than 1 alias.

The TOS are very open and basically allow Utterli to do whatever they like whenever they like and i understand that I have no legs or hooves to stand on here.

The thing is that there is also no guidance on what is acceptable and what is not. For what its worth, @beauty82 was also nuked.

Now, I'm not upset, bent out of shape or anything over this. But I would kind of like to have my Satan account back.

As far as I can tell, Satan did nothing wrong. There's no rule that says that you cannot follow people on Utterz.

There's no technology or account settings that even enables people to have a semi private account so that a user would have to approve a follower first (unless I've missed something). Unlike Facebook, there is also no rule that I am aware of that says you have to be a real person on Utterz.

As far as I can tell, there are many 'non-real people' here. Some set up accounts as their websites, their podcasts, their businesses and more.

So I'd like to know why we can or can not have an alias?

If I did something wrong, I'd like to know what it was. Also, I think nuking an account without a communication to the user is not a good thing from a business perspective. If a user sets up an account, does not break the rules and they get nuked for some reason, I think they deserve to be 1) told, 2) given some reason (even if its 'Hey we just didn't like your account') 3) possibly have the option to appeal if they didn't actually break the TOS.

From a new user perspective, people sign up for accounts, they test the waters, they don't always keep their original 'test' account even. Sometimes they need to feel out a tool or network before they jump in to the deepend. Nuking people too early could have negative impacts on the community, especially if they are getting nuked out of ignorance.

Mobile post sent by brettbum using Utterli. reply-count Replies.

WooHoo ed by Brett Bumeter at 10:41 AM  

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