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10 Numbers You Must have on Speed Dial

Feb 29, 2008

This podcast is an excerpt from the ViralGrapeVine article of the same name (almost). Be informed, be Safe and no whether or not your drug dealer is a cop.…Avoid_Jail…l-or-else/

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Redneck Music Mixup

Feb 28, 2008

Enjoy, Got these slides in the mail a week back and have been meaning to mix them up with something . . . .

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Second Day Running Again - Breathless

Feb 27, 2008

My lungs are out of shape!

Today was my second day running again. I didn't take the kids and so ran at my normal pace and stride which isn't terribly slow. I don't run a 5 minute mile any more, but I'm not a slouch either.

But the reality is that when the temperature is below 70 I just don't breathe like myself. Never have. Maybe its years of allergies and sinus issues, or maybe I'm a big wimp.

Don't know, don't really care, but I don't enjoy rasping for breath and that's a big reason why I don't run when its cold out.

Today was border line with the temperature around 66 and the winds blowing cold at about 20 miles per hour.

Its weird as I have hit my mid thirties, I finally enjoy running. I hated it in my teens and twenties. I was good at running long distance never a sprinter. One of my best times was a three mile race that I came in just over 16 minutes. Not Olympic material or anything but not shabby for someone that doesn't do this stuff for competition or anything.

These days, I couldn't hit 16 minutes (maybe by the end of summer if I tried). But I do enjoy it. I finally get the endorphin thing, which always eluded me in my youth. Might have been dopamine competition going on in my head from other sources, I don't know. :)

These days, when I'm in the zone, I can pretty much run and run and run like Forest Gump or something. (the movie not the book which was much much better . . . Did I mention my wife's store made the box of chocolates and she was there in the kitchen that day or that the bench scene was about 50 meters from our apartment in Savannah - I probably did, sorry about that. ) :)

So anyway that's my thing when it comes to running. If its over 70, I'm in. If its more than 94 or so, I'll wait until its dark.

Throw in a mountain trail or something and I'm in a Pig in Zen.

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Fair Weather Joggers

Feb 25, 2008

I am a big wimp!  I do not run or jog when it is cold outside.  I just don't do it.

I'll hike or go sledding or skiing, but running just isn't what I do when its below about 55 degrees.  Actually, any colder than 65 degrees more than a few days in a row and I probably won't run then either.

So after sitting out most of the winter in the freezing area of North Carolina where I live these days (grew up in Illinois), I'm finally getting back to running as of today.

Yesterday, we hit Sports Authority and I bought the ugliest shoes I could find.  There seems to be direct correlation between ugly shoes and comfortable, light running shoes these days.


Of course I went through about 8 pairs of shoes to find the size for the brand that would fit this season and then find a pair that felt right.


I thought these shoes looked kind of cool actually (below) but they felt like I had just tied rocks to my feet.


Of course after buying the shoes, that pretty much means that you have to go running, so that is what I did.  Even took the kids running with me, which was a good excuse to run slowly since my middle daughter is only 5.


Now the next thing that I need to do is get to Wal-Mart, a place I hate about as much as the cold.  I obviously need a new razor.  My old one died a couple weeks back, and its time to replace it.

My old razor pretty much sucked since the day I received it as a gift and I've been longing for the day when it would bite the beard dust ever since.

My Stupid Newspaper | WWII Shotgun Salute?

My Stupid Local Newspaper made a gaffe again today. There was a front page article talking about the local last man standing club.

The last man standing club is a concept that as far as I know dates back to WWI. The survivors of a war form a club essentially waiting to see which of them will live the longest. Along the way, they make a promise to honor each of their former brothers (future iterations will likely include sisters).

So my newspaper today has a nice write up talking about a local Last Man Standing club.

They then have a quote from one of the members, who is talking about how he and others in the club attend the funerals of those that pass away. They often play taps and then there is usually a rifle squad that fires off 3 rounds per person.

The rifle squad is often times 3 to 7 people. Since it is a rifle and since this is the military we are talking about and not a group of local squirrel hunters, they use . . . rifles.

My stupid newspaper decided to interject an explanation for its readers within the quote of one of the last man standing members, who mentions that he collects the shells and sometimes gives these to the relatives.

My stupid newspaper incorrectly stated that the types of shells given are 'shotgun' shells.

Now this may seem rather inconsequential, but for a veteran its kind of ignorant. (You might recall from Full Metal Jacket the distinctions made between rifle's and guns. This is a little different but not that different.)

First it is extremely unlikely that any recently deceased Veteran would be honored with a Shotgun salute. Shotguns are extremely loud first off, much louder than the rifle shells (blanks) used at funerals. Firing off 3 shotguns at the same time would probably shake/scare most people off their chairs and make them even more upset than they already are. The firing of rifles and taps can be extremely unsettling for many people.

You are jolted by the shots and then taps has a way of ripping at your heart strings. Its a hard thing (as is the military) but it does help people come to term with their emotions, and for some people this extra kick is almost necessary to kick start the healing process.

The procession is ended as the funeral squad lifts the flag off the coffin, folds it and hands it to the widow or next of kin.

By hinting that shotgun shells are used and given to the widow or next of kin, its kind of insulting. To put it into a newspaper analogy, it would be like a newspaper person serving a paper for decades, passing away and then the paper doing a write up about that person using crayons.

Now, I do not intend to glamorize war nor death and I do not intend to dismiss it either. They are both a reality of life. I served in military myself during the first Gulf War and I have served on funeral details for about 50 different funerals.

I would prefer that we in the US would not have to provide this type of service if our country could live peacefully. But we cannot. Americans are historically a warring people. We have not learned to live peacefully with our neighbors, with ourselves, nor with the rest of the world, and sometimes the peoples and nations around us are no better.

That means that people will continually be called, requested, forced and or drafted to serve our nation. I am completely against conscription and the draft, but when 'we the people' do not do our duty and keep politicians in check by voting, by staying in touch with our representatives or even going out and protesting their actions when they screw up or fail to represent us. Things can often get out of hand at home and around the world. That means that some of us will have to go out and put our lives on the line for the rest of us.

When that happens those soldiers, men and women, will go into harms way, they will often times be injured, or killed. Having earned it from the rest of our society, they then deserve a little respect.

Unfortunately, my newspaper once again couldn't quite take the time to delve into the facts and reality enough to offer that respect, even when they seemed to be paying lip service to it.

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Is that the Light at the end of the Tunnel?

Feb 23, 2008

This week I am wrapping up what has been a pretty good week all in all.  I almost think I can see some light at the end of the tunnel.

Early in the month, one of my largest customers was continuing to go through a financial melt down.  That led to a great deal of phone and email work on my part trying to get things patched up and on an even keel.  The customer is still 50/50, but as a result I have brought in a new customer, and almost landed a second that together will do a lot more business than the previous customer.

I had worked with my previous customer for months trying to help them recover (while payments to your truly stacked up and still have not been paid). 

Ultimately, I had to say 'enough is enough.'

Meanwhile, I was working on a Joomla implementation for a client in January about the time Joomla 1.5 came out.  We made the decision to go with the new version and that has proven to be a serious pain in the kiester.  Its not well documented yet and for the lack of a better word, it seems to be buggy.  Its possible that its not 'buggy' and just extremely poorly documented, but whatever the answer is there it is definitely a royal pain! 

My solution, work on some other work while the Joomla community figures it out! 

I contribute to a large variety of online communities, but I do not have time to figure this one out right now, so I'll let everyone else that does do the heavy lifting and I'll come back in later.  That's one of the benefits of open source.

This weekend, I'm looking to get caught up on my back log of articles.  I have about 8 inches of research to convert into some very serious articles (for lots of reason these will be important).  I'm hoping to halve the stack this weekend, and maybe spend a little time on the side doing some graphic design on a logo for one of the new customers, while they get their ducks in a row with their IT team in India that will be handing over the keys to the car to me when I upgrade their site next week.

Last night I jumped into the weekend by doing some major SEO updates 9 of my WordPress sites.  There was a lot of uploading and configuring going on and while that was happening (lots of mundane steps), I played Texas Hold 'em on line and made out pretty good until about 4 am, when I was up by $15k and lost about $10k. 

This actually marks a weakness in hold em that I am trying to train out of my system.  I need to be able to do 2 things:

  1. When playing in a tournament and I hit fatigue, I need to discipline myself to play very tight.  I can play tight when I'm not tired, but when I get a little tired and I'm not self aware of the fact yet, I slip up.
  2. When I am not playing in a tournament and just playing and I hit fatigue, I need to pack up my chips and stop for the night!

Possible Next Things

I've got a bunch of possible things cooking the next couple of weeks.  I need to get back to Atlanta to do a few things on my house, so I can list and offer up some Georgia land for sale.  Every time I think of that, I think of Bill Clinton saying and if you believe that, I have some land for sale.  That's about the time I remember his Whitewater scandal.

I may fly to Vegas tomorrow for one day at Affiliate Summit West also.  Still debating that one, it would be 48 hours of non-stop stuff with no sleep except on the plain.

Then there is SXSW.  I was planning to go but my non-paying customer cut a hole in my budget along with a backlog of work too!

So I guess we'll see where it all shakes out. . . Maybe I'll be traveling a lot!

Missed Eclipse bloggin bout McCain's Girlfriend

Feb 21, 2008

Damn! I was blogging about the new John McCain Affair Scandal with a Telecom lobbyist and missed the eclipse. I've been trying to figure out if there is any connection between McCain, the alleged affair, the telecom votes he subsequently gave and more importantly his recent vote in favor of water boarding and 'telecom amnesty' in the fisa bill.

I should have put a web cam outside!…cain-more/…r-6-years/

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Weird Sex Article and Reasonableness

Feb 20, 2008

Now bringing a pastor over to the house to babysit the kids, while you head to the bedroom for a nice round of sheet wrestling sounds like something that is certain to get everyone's engine going.

Might help if the pastor brings over some Holy Lubrication or maybe blesses a vibrator or something.


I wonder, if you touch a demon with a blessed vibrator would that destroy them?

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utterz beard growing contest? Head Start

I'm all over this potential Utterz Contest like a bad rash . . .

damn this thing itches!

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Weird Sex Article and Reasonableness

Feb 19, 2008

Question - My family hasn't been Catholic for over a hundred years, but I was curious Does the Catholic Church encourage / discourage the use of Viagra?

Observation - Since this is in Florida, I suspect that this may increase the death rate, which simultaneously would help the divorce rate. (Fewer living people to divorce each other)

Speculation - I bet someone provided a written request along with a very large donation to the church. "Dear Father, I'm enclosing a check for $20,000. My wife will not have sex with me more than once a month. My urologist tells me that I have to clean out the pipes every day for a month or I will die, and well helping myself would be a sin. Can you do something to encourage my wife to have sex with me every day for the next month? Oh, and I'm really shy so if you could do it in a general way so that no one knows and my wife doesn't figure out that I asked you I would appreciate it."

Sports and Religion - March Madness to be renamed and replaced with March Missionary Madness

The Children - Channel 3 local news is reporting that a wave of forgetfulness has overtaken a local Florida city where parents have forgotten to pick up their children from after school events on time all month long . . . .

Vacation - Father O'Brian finally figured out a way to take a month's vacation from the confessional without anyone ever noticing he was absent. He just had to wear out the congregation so that they would have no energy left for sin.

Eschatology (Bringing the End of the World) - Father O'Brian unwittingly brought about the end of the World prematurely in 2008 by inciting what would become a national trend of married couples having sex every day for a month. The mass rapture of so many church going people exultantly yelling the name of their God aloud at approximately the same time, brought Jesus Christ back to Earth and everyone rose into the heavens.

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Kentucky Fried & Pumped Chicken (HGH)

I think your chicken is probably fine. I pulled this breast out of a Sam's Club bag however, and I think its on HGH. This breast is bigger than mine.

Now, I haven't been working out too much this winter, but this thing is about 7 inches long and about an inch thick.

Did Clemens give any testimony about the chicken he ate?

Have other ball players used the Sam's Club Chicken Defense yet?

Can HGH even get into your system if you cook it?

"I'll take a large mashed potato and mac and cheese with my bucket of extra crispy extra HGH Kentucky Fried & Pumped Chicken"

* Open Question to everyone, is it bad form to rename Title's? Its kind of a habit of mine adopted from another forum and one that I use a lot because I always go off on tangents, but not sure how everyone feels about it here at Utterz?

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There's Something About Starting the Week on Sunday Night

Feb 18, 2008

Last night around 11:30 pm, after the kids and my wife had gone to bed, my work week started.  That has been a common kick off time for me for quite a few years. 

When I worked for the US Postal Service years back, I used to work 2nd and 3rd shit.  Back then, that was about the time I had lunch.

Later, when I went to work in corporate finance, that was the time of night when I would do heavy lifting in the form of complicated database analysis and project management.

Since I became a consultant, started my own company and then entered into the world of online publishing and blogging, it has now become the time of the evening when I kick off the articles for the week.

The great thing about starting work at this time is that you are usually relaxed after having a day or two off on the weekend.  Your mind is clear and it is easier to creatively attack problems and apply good solutions.

Last night, I put together a couple great solutions on several of my websites that instantly helped me start earning more money on those sites.  The 'more money' was the reason why I did it, but the creative solution was the thing that was the most fulfilling.

There's something about applying my mind, focusing it through the magnifying glasses of my eyes, and coming up with something that I have never conceived of before.  I personally feel that its rather difficult to come up with a completely original thought, but the more I work in and with technology, the more I think that it is possible.

So you my faithful reader, you my friend that have managed to read this far, I'd like to hear from you.  How often, if ever do you work on Sunday evenings?

Is it more fun to work on a Sunday evening as compared to say a Friday Afternoon, or a Tuesday morning?

How does it work for you?

Is there a specific day or time of the week, when you like to work the most? 

Sorry that last question sounds kind of flaky.  :)

WooHoo ed by Unknown at 6:23 AM 0 Gabbles(comments) LinkyLove(some hate)  

Bill Clinton's Father in Comics?

Feb 14, 2008

Here's some nice conspiracy theory reading

Bill Clinton's father not really his father…llsdad.htm

Chelsea not really Bill's Daughter…elsead.htm

Hillary is actually Janis Joplin if you trace her history back through FBI witness protection records

~ OK, made that last one up :)

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Bush Would Make Million Man March Illegal

I almost missed this one but the National Park Service under the Bush Administration would like to make protests on the National Mall in Washington DC illegal.

They want to push people off to an out of the way location. This is a direct attack on free speech and if passed would prevent events such as those reminiscent of the Million Man March, protests over Vietnam and many more notable events dating back to the mid 1800's illegal.

Read More…s-act-now/


Contact your Congress Person…rson-tool/

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Valentine's Day Kitty Lips

This is something I meant to photoshop a bit from a couple days ago, but if I don't publish it today, I'm going to probably have to save the picture till next year (if I can find it then).

So I'm just pushing it out now and working to keep the reply title in at a PG-13 level. ;)

ps normally I do not do cat pictures, because of allergies. Just happened to be visiting a relative and a cat was available for this shot and also proved to be more willing than the dogs in the house . ..

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Public School Teachers Are So Over Paid!

I received an email today that just felt like a gut shot when I realized how much of my tax money was being wasted on Public School Teachers.

(Listen to my account of the Email for more information on this travesty)

Text version at…-teachers/

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Any Country Left in 2008?

Feb 13, 2008

The Presidential Race may be a moot point if there is no country left worth running.

The Senate voted today to enable the President to spy on us for another 6 years and to give amnesty to the phone companies that enabled the government to illegally spy on us without a warrant already.

Send a message to your Representative before this bill goes to the President


How to Contact your Representative…rson-tool/

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The wings aftermath


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Goofy Adsense Problem Fixed on Something About Harry

Feb 12, 2008

For a couple months, I have had a goofy adsense problem here that has been making the site look less than smart. I do apologize, but I just figured out what was causing the problem.

I had FeedFlare activated in Feedburner (for those of you that have no clue what I'm talking about already, just scroll to the next article comfortable knowing that there will be fewer obtrusive ads on the site).

Somehow Feedburner, which was recently purchased by Google last fall, has managed to link adsense to feedflare and so Adsense ads were showing up twice on my blog.  In one section I could control what people saw in the form of ads, and in the other, I had no control at all.

It made it look like there were 2 ad sections running back to back and that meant at least a half page of extra scrolling for my readers. 

That type of exercise isn't good for your heart even

So anyway, I fixed it up, I haven't figured out how to completely remove it as that could also accidentally remove things like the email this button and some other useful tools on the site.  Google is bound and determined to get their pennies out of my site, but I guess in this case I won't complain too much as they gave me the site for free in the first place and they split the pennies with me too. 

Gee whiz, thanks Google, I need more pennies, that will fill up a jar nicely

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Paid To Smooch Reject

Feb 11, 2008

Why do you think I was rejected by Paid to Smooch? ~ pay a quarter to kiss Brad Pitt


lol nothing like a little fun with a pair of wax lips. I'll get the pictures of the cat and dogs with wax lips up sometimes soon . . .

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Boat Ride For the Birds

We went out for a chilly boat ride this afternoon(Sunday). It was actually warmer Saturday, but we weren't ready then.

It was warm in the sun, but the wind was cold. We went out partly looking at the new houses around the lake, partly looking at the water level that is up 2 feet since a few months ago, but still down about 4-6 feet from where it should be (had to go slow so as not to hit bottom).

We saw many Blue heron and a couple red tailed Osprey and lot and lots of Gulls .

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There Were Jerry's Kids and then Bill Clinton's Kids

Feb 10, 2008

I love this one, even though I can't look at the picture for very long.  I received this great viral email tonight.

Some people ask me, "what is a viral email?"

Answer:  Its basically something short of spam that gets sent all over the internet via email to everyone and their brother.  Often it is sent more than once, every 3-5 years even.

The Setup

Washington DC women were recently polled and asked if they would sleep with Bill Clinton.

Approximately 84% of women responded (with a margin of error of 3%) that

They would not sleep with Bill Clinton "Again"


I wonder why that is?


I was never a fan of the former President.  In fact bringing him back to Washington strikes me as something slightly worse and short of using a reverse colon cleanser on our nations capital.  I am positive that the area dry cleaners will be happy to see him return, while the NYC dry cleaners will morn the day he leaves Harlem.

I guess its a good thing that the former President does not reside in a Sharia law state or else they would probably stone him before sun down. . .

binladen-in-burka That said, these new Bin Laden Burkas are getting a little more sexy.

Batter Up, Its Bill Clinton batting .459 against blue material.  Burtha Bin Laden winds up for the pitch, he hits, he shoots (sports metaphors get twisted) he scores, she's a legend and Osama Bin Laden Cuts his own throat.

Warm Enough to Work in My Office Today

Feb 9, 2008

It was warm enough to move out of my temporary winter digs and setup office on the fishing dock today. Definitely more inspirational working out of doors as a writer. My toes did get a little cold as I'm wearing teva sandals and no socks but all in all worked out good.

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Lesbian Comics Advantage Over Straight Girls?

The Setup:

Cute Young Female Comic Trying to make it big in New York Constantly meeting the wrong guy.

The Business:

Comedy and Show business - they love sexy women and lesbians

The Reinvention Recommendation:

Go Lesbian to gain success and drop all the bad relationship opportunities.

The Subject: April Brucker, straight female comic facing all of the challenges above.

The Caveat: This may not be good advice at all, but then again, its not like there is any performance management metric options out there for comics or lesbians!

Then again if there is, I will show you one very happy DBA techie nerd.

Learn more about April Here…mplate.cfm

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Adam Sank Heading to Last Comic Standing

adam-sank-last-comic-standing For a couple years now I've been doing some writing and sharing some experiences with stand up comics over at ComedySoapBox.  One of the most popular comics on Comedy Soap Box is making a break for something bigger and will be appearing on Season Six of Last Comic Standing.

His name is Adam Sank and fortunately he's wearing a shirt more often these days in his act.  Adam is a gay comedian and that factors into some of the perspective of his act like water fills up a damn.

If you catch the show, show him some love and support!

WooHoo ed by Unknown at 1:12 PM 0 Gabbles(comments) LinkyLove(some hate)  

Removing the Imagery of Reservoir Dogs From Stuck in the Middle With You

Feb 8, 2008

I wanted to see if I could remove the imagery of the movie Reservoir Dogs from the Song Stuck in the Middle with You. I liked the movie a great deal, and the song fits perfectly in the movie. I just wanted to see if I could deconstruct it a bit and build it back together into something else.

So I started with the music video from the band Steal Wheelers that actually made the song in 1972, the year that I was born actually.

I was originally inspired to try and make some statement about the role of social media in medicine inspired by an utter over at Utterz called Healthcare and Social Media It's Coming Soon.

So I went about trying to come up with a video response for this Utterz comment. I was thinking to myself, that I could just envision what would happen in hospitals and doctors offices when people started wearing video cameras that record everything all the time (they exist, cost $200 and record 4 hours at a time).

So any way as I was getting into the lyrics of the song, it kept moving further and further away from the topic of medicine and its evolution and seemed to go towards politics and the evolution of politics in the US. We are probably actually stagnant in the US with a bit of devolution in politics.

I originally intended to put about 10 images into the video, trying to make a video response statement to Healthcare & Social Media its coming soon, but then the images in number grew and I had about 50 by the end of it.

I liked the end result, although there are a couple images in there of people in hospital waiting rooms in the modern day, in foreign countries and from 100 years ago, that probably don't fit as well with the evolved theme.

The Steps to Creating a Mashup Video

So I had never put together a real mashup before. I'd taken video from cameras and put together the video with pictures and even put music or a sound track together. But it was typically something of a random slide show.

Downloading a video from YouTube and mashing it into something new was completely foreign to me.

Funny enough I had most of the software I needed as I had written a review and made a clickable mindmap of the software a couple months back, intending to do this then, but running out of time. The problem was that when I installed the software, it went on some obscure directory of my hard drive, and I couldn't find it again. So I had to go back to my own article and find the software all over again, and try out the ones that I liked until I could download the video, convert the video from .flv to avi and separate the audio from the video, pushing the audio into MP3.

I used AVS Video Converter, which I had previously picked up because it also converts DVDs or mini-dvds (from my camcorder) into digital content that I can edit on my computer. (AVI, MP4, MPEG, MOV, WMV and more). I grabbed the program which does come with a free trial -wrote about that here.

The article with the clickable mindmap has a number of YouTube video download programs on it. The tool for a PC that I found the most useful was VideoGet.


I tried TubeSucker, but it kept dropping the right audio track.

Now when I mixed it all together, I used MovieMaker (free Windows program that comes with XP and Vista). Its easy and free, but a good bit limited on the surface because they keep it easy. I'm actually preparing to upgrade to new software, just hadn't gotten around to ordering with an educational discount yet.

My wife is a teacher and I have kids in school so I qualify for lots of educational discounts!

I ran into an issue with MovieMaker. I had imported the video in originally in a windows media file format. This enabled me to mix everything in MovieMaker, but prevented me from burning it to a file so that I could publish it online.

AHHHHHHHH! 2 hours of work and I was stuck with a file I couldn't use.

So I spent about 2 hours trying to fix the file, but that just locked MovieMaker up until it crashed. Ultimately, I had to remake the whole thing from scratch. I knew the final format, so did this and got the video produced in about an hour.

I published it first on Utterz and then on Revver where I can earn a little money whenever someone is interested in clicking on ads from the video. Mainly though I like the final quality of videos on Revver, it seems less grainy than YouTube videos.

The only thing I wish I had done differently is the placement of the image of Sgt Osvaldo Ortiz. It was important for the song to be placed where it was, but the way Revver works, that was the image that shows up when the player is showing but not playing. It makes the video look a little more somber than really is.

OK, now the fun is over for the weekend, and I need to get back to work with my ghost writing gig focusing on mortgage lenders and home loans.

Daily Dose of Sun Shine

Feb 7, 2008

The sunny view I experienced this morning as I commuted out my back door, and down the steps to my office by the lake.

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The daily sock dilemma

Feb 6, 2008

I buy socks of the same brand from Sports Authority. They are running socks. I do not fold them or put them together when I take them out of the dryer and put them in the sock drawer, just throw em all in and shut the drawer. They are all the same shape and size. When a sock gets a hole, it gets thrown away and its companion sock does not hold a wake.

Sometimes the manufacturer moves the stupid brand emblem thingy around and places it in different areas of the sock. That's stupid, but I don't care.

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Kids digging steps on a trail to their fort

Feb 5, 2008

My kids are burying some old concrete fragments from an old drive way and creating steps in a slippery and steep hillside that leads to their fort. :)

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ss_blog_claim=aa66f58cff59464a2b565a453e7059e2 ss_blog_claim=aa66f58cff59464a2b565a453e7059e2