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The Lost Fleece Vest Conspiracy

May 26, 2006

In early 2005, my wife's brother, my brother-in-law, discovered something missing from his life. He came to learn that a very important garment had disappeared. The garment in question was a fleece vest. Not just any fleece vest like you might find at Old Navy or Target.

No this fleece vest had come into his possession as a result of being an employee of a company named Cymer. The fleece vest even had the Cymer name and possibly a logo on it. Now in many companies coming across a company named fleece vest might require years of self sacrifice and loyalty. Some companies might even force their employees to run to a company store online or in reality. This was a gift and in late 2005 it came up missing.

My brother-in-law is a good sort, and very smart. Graduated from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology many years ago and will probably find a source of renewable energy before the decade is out. He's also moving to Australia soon, so it was very important that the vest be found and quickly.
I decided to lend my hand. Below are the results of my findings. . .

Report to my Brother-in-Law on my findings:

Existing Fleece Retention Device Patents
First, please beware. As you are looking to move to Australia soon, there is already a patent in place in Australia for a “Fleece Retention Device” (look in the attached pdf ‘Australian Official Journal of Patents (Supplement)). [Attached PDF not available in this article]

This is no joke, and I wouldn’t want you to become vicitim of some type of patent dispute if you attempt to patent such a device while intransit down under.

Second, please be doubly aware that the need for a “Fleece Retention Device” must be much greater down under which explains why some one has already gone to the trouble to patent such a device in Australia as opposed to the US where we are only just beginning to appreciate the need for Fleece Retention programs and devices to support those programs.

Third, if you open the attached document, and do a Ctrl F for “Fleece Retention Device” you’ll find the reference to the patent. You can also do a google search for Cymer Fleece Jacket, and go to result 12 to find the same journal or visit the site

If you really want to find your fleece jacket, continue reading. If you feel that the this discussion has already been carried too far, and have made arrangements already to purchase a new fleece jacket, disregard what follows.

Note 1.1. Fleece Retention should not be confused with Fleece Suspension which as everyone knows is a popular concept in Hittite mythology. This mythology has led to the Prosperity and Fertility rites whereby a sheep (w/ fleece) is suspended by a pole. See Hittite/Hurrian Mythology REF 1.2 by Christopher Siren, MIT alum

Excerpt quoted from Christopher Siren's publication:

Telepinu(s) 'the noble god'

An agricultural god, he is the favorite and firstborn son of the Storm-god. He 'harrows and plows. He irrigates the fields and makes the crops grow.' (Gurney p. 113) He flies into a rage and storms off, losing himself in the steppe and becoming overcome with fatigue. With his departure, fertility of the land, crops and herds disappears and famine besets man and god. Hannahannas's bee finds him, stings his hands and feet, and wipes his eyes and feet with wax, purifying him. This further infuriates him, and he wrecks further havoc with the rivers and by shattering houses and windows. Eventually, the evil and malice is removed through magic by Kamrusepas, but not before Telepinus thunders with lightning. Telepinus returns home, restoring fertility and tending to the life and vitality of the royal family. His prosperity and fertility is symbolized by a pole suspending the fleece of a sheep. In other versions of this myth, the Storm-god or the Sun-god and several other gods are missing instead.

Note 1.2. Again the concept of Fleece Suspension is sometimes used as a reference to Stourbridge Borough(see 4th borough down), which has a close connection to the County of Worcester in England. Worcester also being a town in Massachusets an hour by train outside of Boston. The coat of arms depects a suspended fleece of a Sable. Below a bridge and two pairs. (This coat of arms is commonly know to reference the testes(pears) of a human male that failed to drop before birth, resulting in the appearance of a vagina(bridge). The sable is suspended below(blocking) the faux vagina to infer that the apparent vagina should not be used as a vagina as there are Pears (testes) on the other side of the bridge. Cat scratch fever being the apparent result of anyone that fails to head this warning.

Note 1.3. Analysis and Conclusion: After two loose and disassociated connections to MIT. I think its safe to say that its possible that the loss of said favorite fleece may be the result of a college fraternity prank. The clues are easily found on the web if you look at the Hittite mythology posting from a former MIT alum, and then the coat of arms from Stourbridge commonly associated with Worcester, which happens to be a town near Boston and MIT. As a former military analyst for the US government(famed for such miraculous intelligence gathering like that exhibited just prior to the recent Iraq war) I think its fairly safe to say that your fleece jacket has been stolen by MIT frat boys and left in Worcester suspended beneath a bridge that looks like a vagina and guarded by believers in Hittite mythology.

Hope that helps, and if you lose anything else, let me know if I can help.

WooHoo ed by Brett Bumeter at 12:51 AM  

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