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Van Lady Goes to Jail

Sep 15, 2006

We were on our way to soccer tonight, with the kids in the van. [note I put an extra comma after tonight and before with] :)

We were going around a blind curve on our road (Arnold) where it turns into Hutchins Rd. This blind curve actually has two roads in the shape of a 'V' and these 2 roads that form a V sit or ajoin the blind curve like a dunce hat sitting on a round head. The round headed blind curve is one continous road with no stop signs, but the V shaped roads intersect the curve in two spots and the V shaped traffic must stop at the stop sign and wait for all traffic to clear before they proceed. (If they only would . . .)

Anyway, we were driving on the inner part of the curve in the right lane (I'm in the US.) My wife was driving and I was yapping away in the passenger seat looking out the window not watching the road.

A white neon or something was coming the other direction. It was just getting ready to follow the curve around from Hutchins as it turned onto Arnold.

A mini van coming from Five Forks Trikum(this was one of the roads that forms the Dunce hat V) decided that the stop sign there on the curve was not really all that necessary to actually 'stop' at and kind of gradually rolled on through at about 10-20 miles per hour.

Basically there were the three cars trying to drive in the same spot at the same time and in Gwinnett County that means traffic accident.

And there was. We took the ditch to our right hand side in our Dodge grand caravan. The white dodge neon thing tried to dodge the dodge minivan rolling through the stop sign and came over in what should have been our lane of traffic.

But the dodge minivan was trying to turn left in order to travel in the same direction and in the lane that we would have been in had we not moved ourselves and our vehicle into this new thorough fair, formerly a ditch.

By driving into this lane the dodge van had to push the dodge neon out of its way. This is as the dodge neon is trying to drive by in the wrong lane (now) as it attempts to avoid being hit by the van that had rolled through the stop sign and avoid hitting our van head on in the ditch bypass.

Of course, this isn't the Dukes of Hazard and cars don't really push other cars around in Gwinnett county that much. They just smoosh each other and bang each other and generally stop functioning properly.

That's exactly what happened in this situation.

The white car got creamed on one side and parked down the road about 50 feet. We moved forward and stopped to make sure everyone was OK. We didn't get hit and we were fine.

The van that didn't like stop signs had a crumpled front passenger side corner panel and the front passenger side tire looked like a chocolate iced donut from Dunkin Donuts that had been dunked in coffee for a couple minutes and thrown at a wall for good measure. They decided to sit in the middle of the road there where everyone normally drives like complete angels.(Please read that last phrase with an exagerated amount of sarcasm!)

We walked back and convinced the mini van to pull off the road so that they would not get rear ended and they pulled halfway into the ditch just before a white suburban came barrelling around the blind corner at about 60 miles per hour.

We made sure the van people, now behind us, were ok. I then jogged down to the neon people and made sure they were ok.

The van people included at least three hispanic ladies and maybe as many small children. The neon people included two high school aged kids, I think a guy and a girl.

I called the police and they were already on their way. The neon kid driver called his mom as he'd been in an accident before and was paranoid. The hispanic lady borrowed my wife's cell phone and called her husband. It took 3 attempts as she didn't know the number.

About 5 minutes later, a Gwinnett County Police officer showed up. He looked like he was about 21 years old and you always feel old when you talk with a police officer that's a lot younger than you are(I'm 33 soon to be 34 before the months out).

He talked to the neon people first and had them stay away from the van people. He then talked to the van people.

Then he came and talked to us. My wife saw the accident, I was in the passenger seat and had been looking the other way when the whole thing happened hence my inability to describe the accident with very much clarity or descriptive phrases now.

My wife told the old enough to drink alcohol Officer that the van lady had seemed to roll through the stop sign and that we and the neon people were already on the road in the position that the van lady tried to drive into and so there wasn't much that could be done. In fact neon boy had done very very well by not hitting us in a head on collision.

Old enough to drink alcohol Officer pulled out a two of spades from his pocket, which is apparently not only a trump card in spades but also in traffic accidents.

Apparently van lady didn't have a driver's license so he took the two of spades, now in the form of hand cuffs and 'slapped them' on her wrists. He then checked with all the other van ladies and learned that they did not have a license either and besides the van with or without the van ladies was not going to be driving with the soggy dunken donut tire that had been slammed up against the wall.

Eventually, old enough to drink alcohol Officer got my wife's phone number and license number and we went to soccer about 15 minutes late. Neon kids mother showed up just before we left and old enough to drink alchool Officer made her stay a long distance from van lady in cuffs for some reason.

I forgot to mention that the white suburban that almost rear ended the smooshed van in the middle of the road, came back through the scene of the accident no less than three times. Each time she was still driving about 50-60 miles per hour. Each time she drove in and out of all the cars like crazy and was driving over big chunks of glass and van and neon parts on the road. She even honked at someone for driving too slow. I think she thought she was in the Dukes of Hazard and was late getting Boss Hogg his fried chicken or something. I bet her name is Lula.

WooHoo ed by Brett Bumeter at 10:08 AM  

1 Gabbles(comments):

Glad you guys are all okay! I bet the kids were excited/scared! You need more excitement in your life! (sarcasm)(we're good at that)

CindyGardenBee said...
10:26 AM  

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